And so this, my goal is with my studies is I would like to become a science teacher, biology and all sorts of things, but definitely teaching the elementary.
In the beginning of COVID, my experience was very much about self-preservation leaving the Bay area because it was such a hotspot of just germs of bacteria in general. So I had to remove myself from there. So that was the first self-preservation but then after that it switched gears and it became more of a clan preservation to where I became sort of like this hunter-gatherer sort of thing. And I was the one to go gather resources at the grocery stores. I would be the one standing in line to get into the Costcos and the Sam's clubs in order to get those supplies for my family.
Then I was sheltering in place with a partner at the time and they were an essential worker so it became this whole role reversal. I was no longer essential. They were an essential. And so my role then became essential at home. I was the one that was doing the cooking, the cleaning. I was the one helping the kids with the zoom homework and things of that nature.
And so I very much switched to a stay-at-home parents sort of an aspect, which in itself I was very comfortable with, but it still had its own set of mental challenges for my own. Because I do crave stimulation, even though we have zoom and we have technology, it's the lack of the physical presence of a person, which really just, it really impacted me more than I thought I would.
And so, yes, I ended up having to seek out many other people, psychiatric help and counseling and medications because of the toll of what's happened between not just the loss of family members and job and home and all of that sort of thing in switching my gears to a different way.
That was a sense of loss, but then you also get all the little nuances. I miss walking to the BART and taking that. I miss actually standing next to a person in line and now it's weird. I can't. I have to wait six feet in line from another person, which is weird. And also doing security work, which was my other job, I had a lot of one-on-one contact with people and now I know that I'm not the only one that craves being knocked in to. Even having a car accident sounds exciting now, like, Oh, good. I get to talk to a person like in person.
I was in a sea of people and now it's like I'm on my own Island.
Now that I'm with my family, my mother is immunocompromised. My father is also a type of immunocompromised himself, and then I have pre-existing conditions. So if one thing happens, if one person gets infected, then it's a house of cards is going to fall. If I was the one, because I went to do the grocery shopping, I was the one that went in public and I bring that back and then spread that with my family, I would never forgive myself.
What does it feel like when people are not protecting themselves in terms of seeing my clan? It's, it's really quite infuriating when I see other people not protecting themselves because that's endangering my clan, it's endangering my tribe and it creates this sort of sense of combat. It makes me switch gears from hunter-gatherer to I full on attack.
It's really interesting because it's not just that I want to publicly shame them because shaming is a great way of forcing someone to do what it needs to be done. But like, I really am about to fight somebody, which is very interesting because that wasn't so much a thing as it was for me in the past.
And it's I literally want to fight these people who disregard my life, disregard the life of my family and disregard the life of all of us. I don't tolerate selfishness like I ever used to before. It's like, it's, it's weird. It's, it's made me more of an angrier person, which is very bizarre.
What do I think about the vaccine? This is a really interesting topic because I am pro science. I am pro vaccine. Yet, and the funny thing is, is I know that the vaccine is going to change. They're going to see how it affects people as they go. That's why I'm not going to be the first one. If I was to do a mental projection, I wouldn't be comfortable doing it until mid to late summer of 2021.
This is what would get me if every single person in the House, the Senate and the White House, every single one, if they were all to prove that they have taken the vaccine before anyone else I, that would really push me, actually it, and the reason why is because I believe that most of the people that run the country are very selfish. And so if the selfish people are the ones to take the vaccine first, that would make me really more inclined because they wouldn't do something that would jeopardize themselves and their own interests and their own money.
And in other parts of the world, they also have a more of a “we” sense than an “I” sense. In America, we always have the “I” sense and I believe that will always truly prevail. So I don't believe that the government will be able to enforce everyone taking it. As much as I believe that it should be a thing, the reality is it's always going to be I first in America, not we first, which is a highly unfortunate aspect.
So, I believe that it should be something that we all should take considering just like polio. Like it's a big thing. So I believe we should, but I know that it won't. So there's like the hopeful reality. And then there's the actual factual reality. That's how it is.